How it bullying effected my life through the years and older

I’m a middle school student, i know it made not happen to every people but starting the school for a 1st time was fine in Pre-k through kindergarten but 1st grade i noticing that each day there would be some people calling me names and talking behind my back and it started going like that,at 4th year everything got worst as i didn’t even to think it would happen i started trying to hurt myself, and it stills affects me even till now,because of that i have low-self esteem and negatives thoughts. Those negatives though feels like there 2 people in my mind one good but one bad, i usually listen to the bad one because i think its true, i would always cry at night praying and begging to god when is this pain going away, and it hurts a lot that people who bully me effected me, everyday i would always called myself fat, ugly, worthless. Bullying isn’t cool or good its not, it could effects someone life like it did to me. It really hurts that i still have those pains from 4th grade. Even though I’m not getting bullied, well i’m getting judged by others. All i could say that is one little word that hurts can effects someone life. I’m just crying right now hoping this pain will go away begging and praying it would cause i been experiencing this since 1st grade. Being depressed everyday because of that bad childhood you had it hurts. Bullying is something you shouldn’t be doing, it hurts that some people who kill them self for it and it effects their families or love ones. Life ins’t easy but for it to be easy you have to respect and be nice to people not just to bully them because all i know is that one thing that hurts can ruin someone’s life.