My experience of bullying

I didn’t want to hate myself.
I don’t think anyone does, not at first. I was eleven when the bullying started, I was fifteen and empty when I left it behind. There were students my own age who bullied me, from year seven to eleven. Worse than that there were teachers too, my own form tutor topping the list. My head of year was responsible for letting the bullying slide- she knew it was going on but did nothing to stop it. Perhaps the most ironic example i can think of is the time when she defended a bully, saying they excused his behaviour because he had a difficult childhood, the irony being he was making my own childhood a very difficult place. This kind of thinking helps nobody- he never learnt the consequences of his own actions, and I was led to believe I deserved this treatment.
If high school taught me anything it was to hate myself. I can list more examples, the groups of students who would taunt and jeer, making me feel like a stranger in my own skin. It was walking home from school, on the bus, in class, in my own head. The things they said burnt into me like a cattle brand.
Life gets better, though if you’d told me that at the time I would not have believed it. I’m happy now, with friends and support and a life. Yet its tainted with anger as I see my bullies, knowing they were never punished, knowing they never will be. They leave me alone now because they are cowards and know in sixth form their behaviour will not be allowed to slide by.
I want to be a writer when I am older, to write all this down, so people can know. Bullying is a problem that can only be solved by taking action, and the failure of my teachers reflects this. I self-harmed and hurt myself, hated myself. Wondering if anybody would care. Nobody should kill themselves over bullying- the bullies are disgusting creatures who push innocent people to desperate measures. Yet people do, and this is the world we live in. It haunts me sometimes, wondering what would’ve happened if I had tried to do it.
I believe that for every horrible thing that happens in this world there is a good thing also. For every person who knocks you down, two more will help you up.
My life is mine, and I intend to live it that way, no matter what bullies would try and have me believe.
Thank you for reading.