d e a d .

I don’t even know if my email will be shown or not but whatever. It’s a Tuesday night, I have a lot to do and I just suddenly got into this mood wherein I feel like the world hates me. I haven’t been bullied but I felt like I was because students at my school see me as a weirdo. Like… I just don’t have a pretty face that people want to look at… I just don’t have a dream body to show off with wonderful clothes and all that but I’m just like everyone else but I don’t think they see it that way. I suddenly don’t have he rights to be what I want to be— to express what I want to say and to do what I want to do because I am not pretty. Yesterday was the worst I felt because on a dance practice, we were asked to have a slight body contact… not even “body”… like… hands… we were— asked to hold hands— everybody was asked to hold hands. I mean if I were to ask myself I’m not unhygienic but their reaction as to holding my hands were as if I was a piece of rotten garbage which resulted to me feeling like it… was I really that gross and ugly? Sometimes I think to myself, are my “friends” just here because they pity me? Because if I didn’t have them I would have no one? Whenever I tell them things they don’t seem interested but they act like they do. I hate it. I hate life. Family problems on the other hand are worse but Imma let them pass because I could deal with them myself. Just the thought of people being grossed out by me is what made my already 0 confidence level go from that to the negatives, thanks people from my expensive unprofessional school with horrible students and teachers who lack both discipline and good attitude!