Secondary School Life Hell

Anonymous

I got seriously bullied throughout my time at Secondary School, while at school and online throughout social media as well. I am 21 now, having left school 5 years ago, but my experience of being a serious bully victim still traumatises me to this day.
I had no real friends at all at this school, only fake friends, who were completely critical, controlling and demanding of me, as I felt like I was walking on eggshells the entire time when I was around them, never relaxed and comfortable.
The bullying I’d receive on social media was incredibly intense too. I would have people, as in bullies, put photos of me on Facebook without my permission (that they’d either taken off me quickly or off my own Facebook) captioning it with
The worst online bullying I ever had was when this girl I didn’t know at all with only 3 mutual friends added me and I, only being 14 and naïve at the time, accepted. The second I did so she popped up to me trolling me with vicious abuse, saying: “Eeee the state of you! You do know everyone is messing with your head commenting on your photos saying you look nice, ‘cos the truth is you’re not, your a freaking wreck! You think you’re so gorgeous but you’re not, you’re a fat, ugly, freaking wreck who needs to get her teeth fixed and a face lift since that face is looking a little rough!” I put a status about feeling upset the next day only to have her comment with more abuse!
I felt incredibly worthless for most of my secondary school life. In my second secondary school there were many various times I got myself into such big messes and everyone had turned against me, including my friends, though I don’t think they really were my friends at the time as they kept acting really cold towards me. They treated me like I was this horrible person, though I was really just young and naïve in a school where words got twisted and all sorts of unpleasant drama took place.
It was many years ago all this happened but still haunts me to this day and still really affects my self-esteem. I’d never blame myself ofcourse, but I still wish I’d just kept to myself more and just sat quietly by myself at break/lunchtime and read, and not associated so much with the bullies. I also wish I’d been strong enough to stand up to them, but then again, that’s mostly what bullying is, because the victim is too weak and gentle and it isn’t in my nature anyway.
I just wish that an end could be put to it somehow. Bullying is an issue I am strongly against, mainly due to my personal experience of it, therefore having strong empathy. It just makes me beyond sick to think of.