The One With Acne


I was in fifth grade, it all started in fourth grade, but got especially worse in fifth. I was struggling with acne from my PCOS and it was veryyy bad. I have already been seeing a dermatologist for a year by then, but it felt like nothing was working. Kids would always tell me things such as “You should try salicylic acid! It works so well for me.” (Keep in mind, this is my my best friends other friend, who knew i was sensitive on that topic and that she has had never gotten a single pimple in her life.) i would tell her i was aware and she would call me rude. That would happen over and over from her. And then other kids started mentioning it. Then one of my best friends, i asked a simple question and they thought they were being funny, so he responded with “well why does anything happen? Why do you have so much acne? Why is your head so round?” So i just casually said “oh damn” and awkwardly smiled. I was shocked and felt so betrayed. (There have been 16 occurrences in 5th, all from different people, this is only three of them by the way, not including 4th grade.) i was keeping a list of everybody who mentioned it and i can visually remember and hear their voices, i can also see them and the clothes they wore that day, and even the kids in the background for each experience when thinking about it. 3rd time: i had a lucky bracelet that i wore everyday cause i felt protected from all the hatred, and nobody mentioned my skin and body when i wore it. but one day it broke. The next day, i was on a call with my friend and a few kids from school. The kid shared their screen and it was text messages back and forth about me. I was on mute and wasn’t looking, but they told me to look. I acted fine as i usually do but i wasn’t. They didn’t refer to me by my name, but as “the one with acne” i feel like i’m on a leash.